The Tofurky Conference
by Len
Summary: J/D: "You're from Connecticut because of the existence of Tofu turkey? Cute, Josh. That's very cute." IITL mid-ep.


The Tofurky Conference 1/1  
By Len  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: The Butterball Hotline/ Indians in the Lobby. Whatever that ep was called.  
Teaser: A nice little mid-ep fic. No plot, no resolution, just a little jaunt through my imagination...ahem.  
URL: http://www.geocities.com/sekhmet_poppy/home.html  
Notes: Not beta'd, not even spell checked. For shame, Len! And sorry if this fic doesn't sound quite right - I haven't written anything for J/D in a loooong time. But after a good cup of cocoa and a turkey sandwich, I felt inspired. Oh - and no offense to Tofu lovers. I rather like the stuff myself. But the name of this particular item cracks me up.  
More notes: Feedback would be more welcome than warm pecan pie with cream!!! That's saying a lot.  
  
  
~Wednesday~   
  
Josh absently rifled through some papers in Donna's In-box, procrastinating. "I should probably get going."  
  
"You really should."  
  
"Because my flight leaves in an hour."  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"And Mom was threatening me with something called a 'tofurky' if I didn't show up before dark."  
  
"I think the horse has pretty much left the barn on that one, Josh."  
  
He spun around in panic. "Huh?"  
  
She pointed out the window. "Dark. As pitch, as they say. Have fun with the tofurky." Donna hid a smile when the panic on his face morphed into severe apprehension.  
  
"Fun? Is tofurky something you have fun with? It sounds like a peace summit. Like 'The Tofurky Conference', or something. Or a card game. Maybe it's like cribbage - which, by the way, I've never figured out how to play."  
  
"It's tofu, Josh. It's a tofu turkey."  
  
"Tell me you're kidding."  
  
"Nope. It's actually pretty good, plus it won't make you sleepy like real turkey does."  
  
Josh was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea of a white, gelatinous bird-shaped blob being taken out of the oven and surrounded with potatoes and corn...ick. His face turned a pale shade of green.  
  
"I can't believe my mother - my own mother - would try to stuff tofu down my throat."  
  
"It's good for you."  
  
"You're evil."  
  
"You'll be fine."  
  
"I can't believe that they've already corrupted her."  
  
Donna raised an eyebrow, but didn't look up from the stack of papers in front of her. "Who's corrupted who?"   
  
"The state of Florida and my mother. That's yet another reason why   
I'm from Connecticut."  
  
"You're from Connecticut because of the existence of Tofu turkey?   
Cute, Josh. That's very cute."  
  
"Now you're mocking me."  
  
"Joshua, why on earth would I..." he gave her a look. She smirked. "Okay. Yeah, I was. Florida has not corrupted your mother, and you need to stop talking and let me get back to work."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Silence. Josh sat down in a nearby chair and tapped his fingers on the desk. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. Then a thought occurred to him.  
  
"Donna, have you seen..." he broke off, looking at her expectantly. She sighed.  
  
"Have I seen what?"  
  
"I don't know. But I just had the feeling that I was forgetting something and figured since you usually finish my sentences anyway-"  
  
"-that I would be able to remind you what it was and where it is?"  
  
"Yep. Hey! See? See what you just did? You-"  
  
"-finished your sentence for you. Huh. So I did."  
  
"It's creepy the way you do that, Donna. Half the time I don't think I even _need_ to say anything out loud-"  
  
"And yet, remarkably, you persevere."  
  
"Now who's snarky?"  
  
"You like the sound of your own voice, Joshua. Admit it."  
  
He grunted, and looked at his watch. His watch was gone. That's right, Donna had stolen in from him in order buy a new battery for it..."What time is it?"  
  
"Six thirty-eight. You should get moving."  
  
He cocked his head to one side and watched as she expertly compiled some info on...what was she compiling info on? Oh. Oh! "Hey, is that the stuff for the DA?"  
  
She smirked again. "It is. And the three names. I'll stick those in an envelope."  
  
"That's what I was forgetting. The DA stuff."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"And you knew it."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"And you didn't say anything."  
  
"It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?"  
  
"So you were just going to not tell me about it, which would eventually lead to my being very late so see my mother and her terrible tofurky? Don-na..."  
  
"What? I can't just do your thinking for you, can I? What's going to happen when one day I'm not here and you start talking to important people from...I don't know, Hungary, and you say 'Pleased to meet you, Mr. Smith, I've really been wanted to talk to you about...' and then just stop? Have you even stopped to consider the impact that could have on international relations? It could be disastrous! What would happen to America if they stopped trade with us and we no longer had access to things like...like.. Hungarian chocolate?"  
  
Josh watched with raised eyebrows, and latched onto the least important part of her spiel. "Mr. Smith? Do they have Smiths in Hungary?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Because I'm just sayin' - it's a good idea to make a scenario as authentic as possible-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"And do they even have chocolate in Hungary - hey! You don't think   
I think for myself?"  
  
Donna sighed and looked mildly depressed. "I just - I don't mean that."  
  
"Then what did you mean? What's with the face?"  
  
"What face?"  
  
"You have the Murdered Hamster face on all of a sudden," he observed, leaning against the corner of the filing cabinet.  
  
She waved off his concern. "It's nothing."  
  
"It's something."  
  
"It's not, and you're going to miss your flight. Which, by the way, I went through a lot of trouble to get and will be very pissed if all my work was for nothing." She stood up and walked out of her cubicle and into his office, gathering his things.  
  
"So, you're still going over to Cammie's Mom's for dinner?" he asked, following her.  
  
Her shoulders slumped. "No," she mumbled.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
Donna spun around, shoving his backpack and his coat into his hands. "No! Alright? I'm not going to the Browns', I'm not going to my parents, and I'm not going over to CJ's."  
  
"But last week - you gave me this whole speech of how you couldn't cook Thanksgiving dinner-"  
  
"Because my room-mate was dragging me to her parent's. I know."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"Cammie's got the flu. Which means she's sleeping through this holiday, and there is no way I'm facing her family alone. So I stay."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No buts. You're going to be late. Put your coat on."  
  
Josh obeyed, looking troubled. "You can't be alone on Thanksgiving. It's just not..."  
  
"I won't be alone. I'll have Fluffle and Beezlebub."  
  
"Those cats will eat you in your sleep." He paused to swallow, and then continued. "Why don't you come to mom's with me?"  
  
Donna's hands, which were busy straightening his collar, froze. "What?"  
  
"Florida. She'd love to have you. She was nagging me about it before. I think she under the mistaken impression that you'll tattle any embarrassing behavior I may or may not have exhibited since her last visit."  
  
She smiled - a real, glowing, 'I just saw Star Wars for the first time' type smile, and Josh felt something catch in his chest. He was torn between taking a step towards her and taking a step away, so in the end he compromised, staying right where he was. It seemed he'd been doing a lot of that lately - standing still. He waited for her answer.  
  
"I can't," she said after a moment, and he didn't argue with her. "It would look-"  
  
"Bad." He sighed. "Yeah. Speaking of congressional investigations, huh?"  
  
She managed a wry smile. "Ha ha. But thanks anyway. And thank your mom for me." She looped his scarf around his neck and then patted the lapels of his coat affectionately. "Have a good time."  
  
"Yeah." He gave her a quick pat on the small of her back and walked towards the lobby. "You too."  
  
Donna watched him go, a smile on her face. "Hey - you could bring me back some pie, Josh!"  
  
He paused at the swinging doors. "I'll bring you back some   
Tofurky!"  
  
She waited until he was out of sight before making a face and saying "Eeew."  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
